The Voice of a Generation

I don't understand.

I should be one who's angry. How dare him ask me out, how dare him say to me all he has said. How DARE. How dare he text me telling me "I realised I probably don't like you as much as you like me" and then stupidly add "but in time I will". He sent me four messages after that one asking me to text him back and apologizing for hurting me.

I'm so honest with you, so amazing to you that I told you that I hung out with my ex-boyfriend. In fact, I went on a fucking date with him. I didn't tell you this, but he wanted to kiss me. I told him I was seeing someone; the fact of the matter is that I didn't even want to kiss him. This is because, as I told you, being with him with made me realise how much I like you. I said this to you because I didn't want you to go all emo on me. If I had just mentioned that I hung out with him, well... you probably would have cared and wondered. I wanted to you be sure that there were no feelings for him. That's what I'd want to hear if you hung out with her. I'd want to hear the "strictly friends" line.

I realise I'm probably not the right girl for you. You need a bitch. Someone who treats you like shit. Like your ex-girlfriend. I'm too nice. I'm too fucking nice to you. I give in to your whiny fests, to your pity fests. I tell you I like you.

I can't believe I've texted you three times. I can't believe you make me sink so low that I have to tell you "no, I don't know if I'm hurt or angry by your comment. no, I'm not saying I have work tomorrow because I don't want to see you. I in fact have work tomorrow" later I sent another one saying "but I'm free on Friday if you want" (along with some other info about why I'm not going to our friends batch for the weekend: work). After about three hours silence I decided to say to you again. Fuck, I have no self-control. "Alright, well a text back would have been nice".

I AM angry. How dare he place me so low as if he's was just, by his own amazing grace spending time with me because he has nothing else to do. I AM hurt because I finally opened up my heart a little bit, at least in my eyes, yet he decides to crush it again. I don't deserve this shit.

I want to desperately send him another message telling him to forget about friday because i don't want to see him. but in fact i do (and this is what pisses me off) and it purely be a pre-emptive act.

I'm so sick of everything. I want to turn me phone off and not turn it on again.

I want to erase him from my skin, from my lips, from my hair, my heart and my mind. I wish he never existed. He hurts me too much.

No guy deserves your tears and the one who will won't make you cry.

I'm throughly perplexed by this photograph. I'm not too sure what is going on here! Is it a giant cat? Or a tiger? It's just... giant! And the lady seems to be so happy just to be holding it! I don't understand.

Anyway, today, instead of properly studying for my politics exams which being in 3 days I decided to google lolcats. I really needed a cheer me up. It worked.

Soon

I have to thank ohnotheydidnt for introducing me to them. They just so ridiculously amusing! Some, are also really clever (see above). I don't think there is anything sweeter than good humour. By good I mean Ricky Jervais, Family Guy, The Simpsons and now... lolCats.

Love

I feel stagnant right now. Ever since he came into my life - soon to be a year, I don't think I've ever been really really happy. Love is supposed to make you reach out and scream. In the words of Sleepless In Seattle... it's MAGIC!

Our love, if love is what we have, isn't magic. It's dramatic, confusing, unclear, muggy and for me - self-destructing. For some reason, I belittle myself when I'm thinking about him. I'm never really happy. I'm happy when I'm with him sure. Yet the happiness doesn't cancel out the other feelings. I seem to belittle myself and think obviously I'm not good enough for him, I'm not x. The thing is this, I am so much than x. I am x,y,z and all the numbers scrunched together. I do honestly, and genuinely think I'm fantastic. Nevertheless, I don't believe he thinks so of me. He says all these things, and then does the opposite. I know I'm dramatic, I know I overreact and I sure as hell over-analyze things.

It shouldn't be this way. I should be with someone who keeps me grounded. Who tells me stop over-analyzing things and to just calm the hell down. To be honest, I should be with someone who wants to be with me. Someone who makes me feel beautiful and complete. Someone who doesn't make me doubt myself. Someone whose heart melts when they look at me. I need... no, I want to be with someone who loves me as much as I love them. Who knows me better than I know myself and comes over when I'm feeling blue. Someone who gives me reassurance. Someone who calls me when there's a song they like; who then plays it over the phone, says I love you and then hangs up. Someone who will show me what love really is. Someone who whispers in my ear, before we fall asleep, how proud they are of me. Someone who will make me discover new things. Like music, art, places, feelings, people, activities...

I recommend Fistful of Love by Anthony and The Johnson's. It's on repeat on my iTunes right now.

What's the weirdest baby name you've ever heard (or considered)?

Xiu Xiu

Until I realised there's a band with that name!

Here we go.

This will become:
a.) fashion diary
b.) political diary
c.) anything diary.

I need some time to think about this. I must admit that Vox is a lot more equipped that it's counterpart Livejournal. Maybe the transition will not be that difficult after all.